"As a captain, I was a winner. I never asked anyone to do anything I wouldn't have done" © Getty Images

I was asked to match-fix in my first game as England captain. It happened in a shop in Sharjah and I reported it to the management. When I mentioned it to the media, I was met with disbelief. It was as if I was making stuff up.

I always considered myself Australian. That's until I got my first England Under-19 call-up. That was the first time I represented any country at anything. I then felt very English. Growing up, nationality wasn't a big thing for me. My family are from all over the place: Indonesian, Spanish, a bit of German in there too.

Ben and I were the first brothers to play in the same England Test team for 40 years. At the time Michael Atherton gave us our caps, I thought nothing of it. We were only making our debuts together. It wasn't a big deal, was it? We've always played sport together, we've lived together, and now we were playing for England together. Only when I look back now do I realise what a great achievement it was.

I look at these T20 leagues that are about at the moment and think they are right up my street. The shorter the game, the better. If they made a five-over competition I think that'd suit me down to the ground!

I was not just an aggressive batsman, I was an aggressive bloke on the pitch. I used to be at everyone. I'd relentlessly go at a batter as soon as he walked in, whoever it was. I'd never let anyone come in and have an easy ride, whether we were winning or losing. I did it because I enjoyed it. I struggled with concentration and this was something that just got me going. A lot of the time I was just trying to entertain myself too.

"I'm the father of three, and if the worst thing they ever do is sledge on a cricket field I'd be a very proud father"

As a captain, I was a winner. I never asked anyone to do anything I wouldn't have done. I was also a players' player. I was one of the boys. Tactically there were people as good as me and there were always better cricketers than me, but I was always one of the boys who was also the captain. I was bloody lucky to have a great set of players at Surrey.

The celebrations when we got drunk as a team were hilarious. I'll use Alec Stewart an example. What a man, what a player, what a professional. After we'd won the 1999 County Championship he got so drunk it was brilliant. We made a beer luge in our changing room. There were bare-chested men sliding across the Oval dressing room soaked in alcohol. People like Stewie and Graham Thorpe. These guys played 100 Tests!

Did I like training for cricket? No, I didn't particularly - and I did that for 15 years. It's different with my MMA [Mixed Martial Arts]. When I train for that, it's brilliant, yet I wished I liked golf. It wouldn't hurt as much!

If the worst thing that can happen when you're playing cricket is getting out, then so be it. I mean, you get out, so what? Big deal.

I was 23 when I was asked to be captain of Surrey. It came as a surprise, as there were experienced guys - like Ian Greig and Alec Stewart - around the place. It was one of those situations where they sit you down, they ask you to do it and you look behind to make sure they are actually talking to you.

I won the Wisden Cricketer of the Year in 2003, which was a nice achievement - but nothing more. It's the team successes that matter. The night I won that, I sat and had a beer with my dad. You can't compare that to the 1999 Championship win. That was the proudest moment of my cricketing career. We grew up together as a team for ten years and tried so hard. All the hard times we'd been through, they finally paid off. It sounds like a cliché but it's all about the team.

As a person, Ben's passing away affected me hugely. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Hopefully it will end up the worst thing that ever happens to me. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him. As a cricketer, it probably made me a better player. After that, I lost my fear of failure.

"The preparations of going to bat and going out to fight in MMA are very similar. You have got to control nerves and get yourself in the best zone to execute your skills"

I'll never know why they approached me to match-fix. I mean, with my form, they didn't need to approach me to underperform. I did enough of that by myself!

I don't think I should have played more Tests for England, but I do think I should have played more ODIs. I was never a Test match player. My concentration was not the best and staying with it for five days might not have been my strength. People will say, "You captained your country, what's wrong with you?" But I feel I should have been out there more. I'd love to have played international T20 cricket.

I'm all for sledging. I don't see why people don't like it. One argument they use is that sledging sets a bad example to kids. Now I'm the father of three, and if the worst thing they ever do is sledge on a cricket field I'd be a very proud father.

Becoming a dad changed me. I softened a lot as a person, especially having a daughter. It made me a lot more understanding. Before, I'd never quite understood people. Now I do.

I played another year after Ben's death but I didn't enjoy cricket at all. I called it a day after that. There was no spark.

I like cricket but I have to say my true love is fighting. I got into MMA after I retired from cricket and I love it. I love attention and I'm an excitement junkie. Fighting fuels both.

When I was a kid it wasn't all about cricket - it was all sport. Like most kids, I played everything. I loved boxing. I lived as a boarder at school and used to sneak out for two years to do it. When my parents found out, they stopped me doing it.

The guys are forced to play the game so professionally these days. I wonder if they can have the same fun as we did. We'd have two beers and go and drink some more. Now, they'd be having a Powerade and an ice bath.

When I first became a pro I was a fast bowler. I used to run up and just bowl as fast as I could. I batted nine or ten but it all changed during my second year on the Surrey staff. I had a stress fracture in my back. I took a season out, worked on my batting and fielding, and my batting really came along. It was the most fortunate injury of my life.

The preparations of going to bat and going out to fight in MMA are very similar. You have got to control nerves and get yourself in the best zone to execute your skills. When you bat you're trying to score runs and sometimes there's a physical fear - and always a fear of failure. When you go into a fight it's the same thing. It's not about being scared of getting hurt, it's about being scared of losing in front of my friends and family.

If you nick one behind and don't walk, I've not got a problem with it. But when you get stick, don't moan because, jeez, you're going to get it. I walked most of the time but if I thought I could get away with it, I didn't. If I did, I'd stand there and take the wrath. Also, I never complained when I got a bad decision. These things happen.

"I don't think I should have played more Tests for England but I do think I should have played more ODIs"

Not everyone bought into what I was doing at Surrey. There are always people who are going to be against you. I lasted seven years in the job and I never had any mutinies, so it wasn't that bad. I probably outstayed my welcome, though. Seven years is a long time.

In England there's a tendency to over-coach players. They write people off if they don't do things the textbook way. There seems to be a big thing in England that you have to swing the ball away to be a Test bowler, and I certainly don't agree with that. I'm not saying people who swing the ball away aren't good - they are - but there are lots of bowlers that are successful who don't swing the ball away.

DRS annoys me. I don't like it. You want umpires to make mistakes because these things happen. You want people to be talking about the game we all love down the pub. The game is becoming so clinical.

Would I let one of my kids do MMA? I would be a hypocrite if I said no. It's one of the safest sports going. I'd sooner they'd do MMA than boxing. MMA is perceived to be dangerous but no one has ever died. I'd be more worried if they wanted to be a jockey.

I found it difficult to perform if there wasn't a crowd. If we had a game against Derbyshire at the end of a season that had nothing on it, with 500 people there, I wouldn't be bothered. But come the time of a big final with a decent crowd, I'd be in my element. I love adrenaline.

I don't know if I learnt the art of captaincy or if it just came naturally. I'd never been a captain as a junior. I'd never done it for Surrey U-19s. I'd never captained any team before Surrey asked me to do it.

Sledging makes games more entertaining. In an era where there are rotation systems and match-fixing, sledging shows to me guys who have real passion. When the TV cameras pick up two players going at each other, you want to see what happens in the next ball. It creates more dramas and I just don't buy that it's bad for the game.

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

 

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